guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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