i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
