i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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