Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
