Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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