I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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