I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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