I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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