I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
