Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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