I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize