Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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