I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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