break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore