That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover