Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.