Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
