If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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