Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
