listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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