I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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