Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
