dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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