im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
