i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
