I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
