You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
