Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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