can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
