I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
