we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
