Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
