girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY