Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?