I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
