It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth