Acid is not a monday night drug
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says