um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dating After Heartbreak
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks