you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I fill condoms, not promises.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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