I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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