remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
