we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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