Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
