I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
