Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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