Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
