hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
