you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
