this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize