So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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