You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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