You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
