And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize