Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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