Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My bed smells like the plague
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize