the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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