I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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