I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Two words: blizzard sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
