sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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