I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
