Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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