nut hugger
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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