all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
