We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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