Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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