Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
