can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
