You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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