I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
