I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
