Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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