I think I won the penis lottery.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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