Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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