I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize