This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
