I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
