I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
