Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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