i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize