So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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