Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
