dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
